Be Honest

Tips

For most people, keeping secrets intended to benefit someone is not considered dishonest, as long as you're confident that the person you're keeping the secret from will completely understand when they find out. Still, it's a fuzzy line determining which secrets are dishonest—keeping a surprise birthday party under wraps is one thing; not telling a child that they are adopted or that their pet has died is trickier, and will require a personal sorting of ethics.

We make judgments, assumptions and theories every day, but in order to be honest, it's important for us to acknowledge them as what they are: ideas about what the truth might be, not the hard truth itself. When you make a statement, try to add the phrase "In my experience..." or "Personally, I've observed that..." at the beginning, or end it with "...but that's just my observation/experience, that might not be how things are everywhere". For example: "In my experience, people who have physically demanding jobs tend to be more fit than those in office jobs, but that's just my own observation. That might not be how things are everywhere." It lets people know that you are making an observation that is limited to your situation, instead of making a blanket statement (i.e. stereotype or generalization) that isn't true.

Keep these words of wisdom in mind:

"Never do something you will have to lie about later. If you have to lie about it, you shouldn’t be doing it." 

"Son, always tell the truth. Then you'll never have to remember what you said the last time." Sam Rayburn (1882 - 1961), quoted Washingtonian, November 1978

"A half truth is a whole lie." Yiddish Proverb

"Truth fears no questions." Unknown

"The cruelest lies are often told in silence." Adlai Stevenson

"Oh what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive" Sir Walter Scott

Some may find it helps to keep track of your statements to others in written form (a journal or chart of some sort). This can help you to see how many times you are honest and how many times you are dishonest. Learn from these experiences. Having a record of past situations where you were dishonest can help you to consider what can you do better in the future situations. Visualize how it will be if you are honest and then let move forward confidently!

Warnings

Be wary when someone tells you something in confidence, and you know in your gut that you should share that information with someone else (knowledge of a crime, a lie, or a harmful act against another). This puts you in a difficult position, especially when the truth eventually comes out and the person affected by it finds out you knew all along. If someone starts off a sentence with "Don't tell so-and-so about this, okay?" be prepared to offer your own disclaimer: "If it's something that I'd want to know about if I was in their shoes, please don't tell me. I don't want to be responsible for keeping anyone's secrets but my own."

Be conscious of groups of peers or friends who may sway you to "stray" from your choice to stay on the "straight and narrow". Like any bad habit, you may be pressured to regress if you choose to hang around people who don't have integrity and don't cherish honesty. You don't have to automatically find new, more truthful friends, but be aware of your vulnerability to temptation if you continue associations with overtly dishonest people.

Dishonesty has many negative consequences. They are often not immediate or noticeable; they usually build up over time until they hit us like a brick wall, at which point it may be difficult to see how dishonesty has played a role in unhappiness. Consequences may include:

-Becoming numb to our own feelings if we hide them for a long enough time

-Becoming deeply confused about what we actually want

-Making a bad situation worse

-Not being prepared to face the consequences of our decisions and the reality of our situation, thus getting more hurt by it in the end

-Being haunted by guilt and fear that your dishonesty will be discovered

-An emotional state that can be best described as a "heavy heart"

If you find that you cannot control your lying, there may be emotional issues at work that are beyond the scope of this article. Consider meeting with a counselor or other professional who can help you work through those issues over the long term. It may be that dishonesty is a habit that you've set for your entire life, and it will take a good deal of introspection and work to unravel that pattern.

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